everything happens for a reason.

haven’t been on here since July 2015 - WOAH

re reading my last few posts is so strange and so heartbreaking all over again.knowing how happy i was and then how heartbroken i was and now being in over a 1 year relationship with someone else and being SO happy is crazy but the reason those posts are really so hard to read is because that ex boyfriend that I was so torn up about because I had wanted him since I was 16 passed away last month.

despite that I am so in love with my current boyfriend (weve been together since Aug 15, 2015) I couldn’t believe that my ex had died in a tragic car accident. life changes in a second and his was taken away and it shouldn’t have been. yes, he was an asshole the worst you can imagine to me but no matter what no one deserves to die at 21 years old with a huge future ahead of him. he was so important for so many years of my life so knowing he no longer exists in this world is an eerie, sad, strange feeling i cant put into words. reading that i pretended like he didnt exist to get over him was how i did get over him and since i did get over him rarely thought of him or our times together. when he died it was like our fresh breakup all over again and when i thought of our memories i pictured him fading away. a month and 6 days later i still think about it every day and how strange it is he isn’t living his life. i was so in love with him and he literally was the person i always wanted and thought i would eventually be with forever until we started dating and i realized we werent actually meant for each other - relationships arent that important to him he cared more about his career and doing things on his own. he never gave me closure from our breakup he just deleted me and blocked me from his life.

the only kind of closure i got was seeing his family at the wake.. and seeing him there as well..

literally one of the hardest things ive ever gone through, but it helped me so much. i will never know what he truly thought of me and what he thought of me of recent days but i do know that when i look back on him i only see the good and fun memories. 

just thought id fill you all in on that since my lovey posts from the beginning of tumblr up til last year were mostly about him or in relation to him. 

ljfe changes in a second - never ever take anything or anyone for granted. this has shown me so many things about my life. im so happy and in love with my current boyfriend riley and truly see a future with him. i know i will never go a day without telling him i love him and letting him know how much he means to be because life changes in an instant.

i love tumblr but what i hate is i can’t go on it during a heartbreak because it just makes it so much worse because i see things that make me even more sad through sad breakup posts that are too real and it makes me sad because the happy things remind me of the happiness i once had or the happiness i am missing out on and wish to find. i can’t go on tumblr when I’m happy because i dont want to waste time reading posts because then it makes me overthink my current situation in life and in my love life. 

moving on from someone is so much easier when they act like you dont exist

as much as its the absolute worst feeling in the world to be ignored from the person you thought loved you its what helps you get over it. 

if someone can shut you out of your life like you two never shared anything and like you never even were apart of their life then they aren’t worth it. you shouldn’t waste time thinking about it because they dont deserve you. 

it helps

all it takes is time. 

its been the hardest month but july 23 i can say I’m doing so so much better

i have my moments but I’m excited for the future and whats to come. i know i will be happy and find my true love one day but for now i am enjoying my life and will enjoy my happiness. 

the worst is when youre looking forward to something allll day long and it doesn’t happen 

when your bf brakes his phone and the only way to talk to him is when he has free time and can be on a computer to facebook message me……. forgot what it feels like to be a seventh grader

lol